Dealing with disappointment

Habba has been cancelled. Just like that. I suppose it is for a good reason, but still...

Sunday morning, and I was up at 8 am, after sleeping at around 1am the night before. Why? Because I wanted to study, so I could afford to go for rehearsal. Exhausted though I was, I looked forward to class. Nandita and I had both more or less decided to give Habba a miss this year, and had decided THIS SUNDAY to go ahead and perform! Pavithra di knew I am in the middle of exams, so she took me aside and said “If you are here for rehearsals for Habba, then you don’t have to stay. Habba has been cancelled this year. So if you want, you can go home and study.”

I feel deflated. There is actually no better word for me to use. I was really looking forward to being part of Habba again. Nrityagram was the last bit of surviving excitement in my life, and now even that is more or less gone.
Today, after the social studies exam, we were talking about how amazing our math marks are going to have to be for us to have an aggregate of 90%+...I was going to say that I needed to max it...but then I thought, why? It doesn’t actually matter anymore. The only reason I wanted to do well in prelims was so I’d be able to do Habba, and now that it wont happen anyway, my motivation seems to have somewhat evaporated.

The reason: sponsors have withdrawn. All three major sponsors have decided to give the money to the Tsunami Relief Fund. It’s a great cause. It really is. And people are dying. It’s not like our dance festival is more important than that. And yet, I can’t help but feel disappointed...