I Really Am Confusion Personified!

Nrityagram had a performance a few nights ago. They were brilliant. As usual. There was a new dancer – who I have never seen before. She was really good, but majorly over shadowed by the other two. There was one piece that was performed, that I have learnt as well. They did the exact same steps that we do, but somehow made it look SO much more impressive! They make every movement look instinctive!

Watching them, and thinking about my own dance, I started think – My God, I’m really happy when I’m dancing. I would love to be where they were. I really want to be that good! I don’t know what suddenly put this thought into my head. But there I was sitting and watching them…thinking about the practicalities of moving and living in Nrityagram! It seemed so completely unlike me to think of something like that, and I was aware of the out-of-character-ness of the whole thought process. So I told myself – firmly – that all this passion was because of where I was. Because of who I was watching. Because I was still high on the show. But now, three days later, the idea still seems amazing to me.

It’s not practical. I know it isn’t conventional. But that’s not it. What is making me THINK about it is one – will I still want this five years down the line? and two – do I have the potential to be THAT good (because if I don’t, there really isn’t much point in trying).

I still don’t know if I really want this or it is one of those ideas that pop into one’s mind only to fade away a few months later. I do want a respectable educational qualification, so at least till I have that I’m set.

It’s so frustrating though! Like with biochemistry, advertising and literature…I wasn’t confused ENOUGH!