Finding myself

This friend of mine told me to post this...Don't know how good it is, but I thought I may as well look for people's opinions. And when this friend posted her story, I figured, what the heck!

FINDING MYSELF

- Meghna

Almond eyes...round face...peach like skin - me. I was already beginning to notice the glances I attracted from people. It was my 10 birthday. I came from a poor family, my father was a farmer, and I wasn’t expecting much. But judging from the hushed whispers that came late at night from my parent’s room, I knew that they must have been planning something. I only didn’t understand why my mother would cry and my father looked so serious. But on the evening of my 10th birthday, it all made sense. My desperate parent...were going to sell me.

After living at home for 10 years...they wanted to send me away to an o-chaya. My parents wanted me to become a geisha. Only rigorous and hard training could make one a geisha. It involved exclusive training for many long years. I had a lot to give up. If I became a geisha, there would be no room in my life for a family or to pursue any career. It was a big decision. Not that my parents allowed me to make it.

At first, all I felt was fear surge through me. But I didn’t have a choice. If they wanted to send me away, there was really nothing I could do about it. After all, I wasn’t that much of a child anymore. And by my doing this I was helping my family through hard times. I had to. Even if I didn’t want to.

I spent the next five years in the preliminary training stages, and on my 15th birthday, I was made a maiko. This was an honor. A famous geisha agreed to be my older sister. I followed her to all her appointments to get to know the customers. I followed them from place to place in my long sleeved kimonos and wooden shoes, smiled charmingly at our guests and engaged them in conversation. Initially, I felt fear that the o-chaya too, like my parents, would let me down. They would turn their backs on me too and send me away to an unknown far off place. But slowly, this feeling went away, and the maikos and older geishas became my new family.

I spent the next five years training in social skills, helping with household chores, learning music and Japanese dance. And after 5 hard years I had the chance to become a geisha. I could quit if I wanted to. And I seriously considered quitting. But I had spent 7 years in the o-chaya. I had become accustomed to living governed by rules and regulations. The maikos and the geishas had become like my family. After all, I had given up my education to be a geisha and there was no scope for doing anything else. I really had no place to go. So instead of stepping into the deep abyss of the unknown world, I clung to the familiar and took the next step. I became a geisha.

The next few years were exactly as I had imagined them to be. I did the same things everyday. There is really nothing to tell. But one incident at the Teahouse changed my life forever.

I was working late one night at the Teahouse in Kyoto serving some government officials. As usual, I engaged them in charming conversation, and the maikos and I entertained them by performing for them. As we served them their meal, they began to talk about politics. They were completely comfortable in our presence, as they knew that all geishas take it as their pride to never reveal what they hear at a Teahouse.

I knew this was a special evening. Kyoto’s greatest businessman, Mr. Seki was coming to our Teahouse. He was sitting next to Mr. Yamaguchi, his closest friend. We all thought very highly of them.

As I waited in the corner in case anyone wanted anything, I overheard the conversation that would be the most important decision I would ever have to make.

Mr. Yamaguchi whispered to Mr. Seki. “Did you hear about the new automobile factory coming up?” Mr. Seki made sure that none was listening and then replied, “Yes, I have, and I have made the smartest move ever.” Mr. Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up with interest and widened as the man continued. “I have bought 500 acres of farmland in the area where the factory is planning to be built. The farmers sold it dirt-cheap. And no one else knows about the upcoming factory, so by the time they do, the industry will buy the land from me! Just think of the profits I will make!” I didn’t have much time to react since; just then, the man turned to me and said “Young lady, some more saki here please.”

I was shocked. I knew it was against geisha principles but I just had to tell someone didn’t I? These people were talking about rendering over 200 farmers and their families homeless! This kept me awake all night. There I was, a 21-year-old geisha, who was supposed to be trustworthy to everyone I served, and I was thinking about breaking age-old geisha tradition. My father was a farmer too. How could I allow such a thing to happen? I made my decision. I felt almost like my duty to those people was more important than my duty to maintain geisha tradition.

Even though the man was caught and the farmers were restored their land, I was expelled from the o-chaya. I had broken the rules of the home I belonged to and no longer had a place there. And yet, I felt happy that for the first time, I had made a decision by myself. For the first time, I had thought things out without being held back by rules or expectations.

Though I knew I should have been unhappy, even ashamed, I felt like I had been released after a long imprisonment. I realised that I had chosen to become a geisha from a maiko because I was afraid of the unknown. The name “geisha” had been more of a security blanket that I clung on to than a cage holding me back. And as I took my first step into the world as a woman, I realised that the world was mine for the taking. I had nothing holding me back. And with my determination and hard work, I could make it.

But first I had to find myself...