Back After Too Long

Our car turns the corner, and I see the familiar brick red pillars at the end of the road. I feel a combination of excitement and apprehension as the car pulled to a stop at the Nrityagram gates… After almost a year, I don’t know if they will still want me…
“You remember where the office is, don’t you?”
Psh. Of course I do! Though I havn’t been here for so long… No one would be surprised if I didn’t.

I don’t recognise the lady at the office desk. Have I really been gone that long? “Oh, no you don’t know me… I only joined 5 months ago” she says.
I manage to catch the eye of a familiar face. She smiles and waves back! Oh my god, she smiled and waved back…! There’s one part of the burden off my shoulders! I leave the adults to the serious talking about my future with dance. Or at least, that’s what I tell them. I just want to get closer to the music I hear in the distance after so long.

Someone is singing a beautiful tune to the beat of the pakhwaj, and the animated bols of its player. Two voices, two instruments and the feet of a dancer – separate from, but blending into each other as if meant to be together. There are photographers everywhere. But then, she is used to that! She seems oblivious to anybody else…
She makes a mistake that no one else notices. She stops, discusses something with the musicians, starts again… and there it is. A complete transformation from who she is everyday, to Radha, Krishna, a deer, a yogi…

Selfish that I am, I feel jealous. I feel sore at the thought that I will never be that good – and that here, there is no room for mediocrity. I realise that a role model like her is a blessing… but I still wish it was a less dwarfing one.

I go back again tomorrow. Into a world I don’t want to fail in… a world I was once part of… and a world I sorely miss…